Have You Seen This Hot Astrologer?

Sitting here in the taint between Christmas and New Years, feeling a little off in tha moment, but in general am doing fine. My Christmas was well, whatever, average, I suppose. I have this sense that the more Christmases I experience, the less spectacular they will be. The more you have, I think, the less you value, maybe. I don't know.

I have filled out the application for grad school, and I sent it in about a week ago. It's due by Jan 5, for the fall of 2010, which is now less than a year away. I filled out the application to the specific department, which isn't due until March, I just have to send it in, want to find out if they want it mailed or faxed. The next things to do are to work on my portfolio, and to apply for financial aid, and I can't apply for financial aid until February, because I need the year's tax forms, and those won't be ready until then. So, I guess the next thing for me to do is to hit the portfolio hard and heavy. I can do that, for sure.

I went to work today. This time of year is always strange for work. I worked four days the week before Christmas, took Friday off, so had a three day weekend, worked Mon and Tues last week and had Wed through Sun off, and today and tomorrow I work, and then I don't go in again until next Monday. Lots of time to goof off, eh? Or lots of time to get busy with things I need to do without work. I wonder which will win out? So I went to work today and was totally unproductive. Our department is under a spending freeze, so I can't get any wood, paint, hardware, anything until the City figures out how to balance the budget. It's very draining, emotionally wise, and ambitions are running low. Almost all my projects are frozen and will continue to be so for a while. It's a good reason to find other opportunities.

The whole day has been off. I feel like I'm straddling many different worlds, present work and future grad school, marriage and separation, Oklahoma and Minnesota, straight life and gay life. I'm not a new age-y person, but I found a horoscope that has proven to be pretty accurate about the goings-on of my life. It's called SoulgardenTV, and you can find it on youtube here: http://www.youtube.com/user/SoulGardenTV . It's friendly, palatable and relatable, not like Ms. Cleo with the fake Jamaican accent and the crystal ball hoohaw. Take it for what it presents itself to be. Plus the "Stand-up Astologer," Christopher Witecki, is so damn cute.
Anyway, when I'm not staring at him, I am actually listening to what he has to say , and this week is a week of major transformations of what we are to what we will become, and this odd feeling I am having is just a part of that. Even without this base, I can fall to my old standby, "This too, shall pass" and know that things will work themselves out. I just have to go through some lumpy times. And now I can do that while watching a babe.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

That feels weird, talking like that. Talking about cute guys like I did.. I feel like a perv. Well, no, I don't feel like a perv. I never talk like that, though. It doesn't feel natural. So now I go to my inner dialogue:

Me: What a hunk! omg, did I just say that?

Inner me: yeah. you just said that.

Me: That's wrong for me to talk like that.

Inner me: Why is it wrong?

Me: I don't know. It just doesn't feel right.

Inner me: do you think he's cute?

Me: Yeah

Inner me: So it's ok to express that.

Me: Well, alright, but it doesn't seem natural.

Inner me: Why not?

Me: Because I never have talked like that before.

Inner me: ...and that is because...

Me: because I was in the closet?

Inner me: and being in the closet caused you to do what?

Me: Suppress my desires.

Inner me: and because you suppress your desires, what happened?

Me: I didn't strive for my desires.

Inner me: and now you are...?

Me: ...regretting it.

pause

Me: but it still feels wrong. It objectifies him as eye candy, something to look at. Nothing more, and I don't do that to people. I know there is more to a person than the way he or she looks or appears.

Inner me: and by saying that you think he is cute, you think you are saying that he is only cute and nothing more?

Me: no, I'm not saying that. I'm saying..that his inner qualities are broader than his appearance.

I'm not a perv.

Inner me: do you want to have sex with him?

Me: I want to have sex with anyone.

Inner me: excuse me?

Ok, I think that's enough inner dialogue for right now.... Till next time!

Adding Apples

Woke up this morning andsaw the kids watching Saturday morning cartoons. Jack was eating cereal on a little tv table, and Lilly was upside down in the Lay-z-boy. I wiped some of the eye crust from my eyes and stumbled into the kitchen where I made some coffee, and loaded the dishwasher when I saw that Lilly's homework on the counter.

"Lilly, you were supposta do your homework yesterday!" I reminded her.

She bounced into the kitchen and said in her trademark fast speak "Ohyeah iforgottodothat." She gathered up the papers and went back to the tv room and started setting herself up.

After a few minutes she called out, "Daaaaaaad, I need your help!"

I looked over her shoulder and looked at the page of additions and subtractions she was working on. About 120 problems were lined out like an anal retentive's M&Ms on the sheet and she was right about in the middle of them. Simple problems of adding and subtracting single digit numbers.

"What's 6 take away 4?" she asked as she bounced up and down in the chair. She had written a 2 for the answer. "Is this right?"

I asked her if she was taught how to check her work by adding her answer with the bottom number to get the top number. She is more confident at adding than subtracting. "2 plus 4 is... 6!" she squealed and she waved her arms in the air. She almost stabbed me with her pencil.

"Yes," I smiled "that's how you check your work."

"Butsomeoftheseareaddingandsomearesubtractingandthey'reallmixedup,daddy"

"You know how to check your adding?" She nodded enthusiastically. "Do you need me to help you any more?" She shook here head without transisitioning and with just as much energy. "Okay, bobble-head, you're doing great!" She giggled to the pet name as I went back to the kitchen to finish the dishes.

With the coffee poured, the dishwasher on, the girls cratching her pencil on paper and cartoon voices emitting from the television, I went outside, I went outside for my morning smoke and I thought about that interaction with her. I'm no great mathematics theorist, like my brother is, but I like to play with ideas in my head. I started wondering about checking math. Isn't it interesting that the way you check Addition is the same way that you check Subtraction. Add the sum to the subtractor and you get the origin number in Subtraction. Minus the difference from the second second number to get the first number in Addition. Pretty easy stuff, really, for an adult. but the interesting part comes in when you try to do the checking with the opposite numbers. In Addition, you can sutract either either or the numbers from the sum to get the other number, but in Subtraction, this doesn't happen. This is easier to illustrate than to explain.

I'll use these simple problems: 4+5=9 and 8-6=2.

In checking addition, you can say either 9-4=5 or 9-5=4. Either way the sum is the same amount. In checking subtraction it doesn't work the same way. 2+6=8, which is correct checking, but 2+8 does not equal 8, it equals 10.

So that led me to this pondering: In Addition, does it really matter in what order the addition numbers are. 4+5=5+4=9, correct? Yes, of course it's correct. but are they the same numbers? is the 4 in the first equation the same as the 4 in the second equation? I say they are not. If you have 4 apple and your friend loans you 5 more apples, you are holding 9 apples. If you have 5 apples and your friend loans you 4 apples, you are holding 9 apples. but when it comes time to returning your apples to your friend, you have a real dilemma. do you give him 4 apples or 5 apples? Breaking it down to numbers, 4+5 does not equal 5+4, because what you start out with must be the same as you end with when checking. If you were holding 8 apples and you loaned 6 of them to your friend, you would be left hold 2 apples, and when your friend returned those to you, you would have 8 again, not 10.

Hmm. So what am I getting at? I'm not really sure. I guess what I'm saying is that by checking your addition it is important to know that the problem 4+5 is not the same as 5+4, even though the sums might both be 9, they are different 9s with different qualities. And THAT I think is what was interesting to me. That 9 does not always equal 9 fully. Each number has different qualities depending on its own unique history.

That's enough of that. Lilly came in wants a snack.

"What do you want for a snack, Lilly?"

She smiles and wiggles around "Can I have an apple, Daddy?"

"Absolutely"

"Can you cut it up?"

"ok"

She looks at me seriously. "Only cut it into six pieces this time, please, not eight like last time," is her explicit request.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I can't eat eight slices."

Post-partum

/me crashes on the couch, exhausted

Sunday was the end of the Make him Over Hunt 2, and I finished it at the eleventh hour. I had been dillying and dallying with this hunt over the past month, and in the last week, I crammed in finding as many of the symbols as I could. I turned the little eyeball off for everyone so I could streamline it as much as possible (apologies to anyone who was trying to reach me), and I ignored lucky chairs and other freebies. (well, I hit a few). I almost thought I wouldn't make it, but I did.

I have this love/hate relationship with these hunts, and I don't know why. I love the challenge and fun of finding something that has been so impishly and cleverly hidden, I love the banter on the group chat window, most of the stores are very nice, and besides, free shit! Not that I need more free stuff. My inventory has buckled and bloated over my personal limit of 2ok, like an over-yeasted bread roll and I decide to go on another treasure hunt? I must like banging my head against the wall searching through that stuff. But it's fun. The hate part I think is that it does take all my focus away from other things going on in SL, and now that I'm done, I'll have my share of post-partum set in, and I'll just wander about trying to think of how to occupy myself. Organize the treasures will of course be one thing to do, but otherwise? don't know.

I kinda miss the clubs, and I kinda miss the rpping in fantasy realms. I'll probably do that for a while. I don't see any hunts on the radar that really grab my attention, so I'll cool it with those. I still need to define myself, as to what the hell does it mean to be Leigh Eel. Leigh is an extension of my RL persona, (Real name Greg, btw, if anyone is interested) as is the case with most SLlers. Of course I missed Opacus, but I never put him off when he calls. He's the main reason for the dilly-dallying that I mentioned.

There was a party after the hunt, but it was Sunday morning, and I didn't really didn't intend to be online that morning. Was going to do a bunch of housework (God, the garage is such a pit) but my obsession overcame. What good is an obsession if it doesn't overcome? So after the hunt, I skipped the party, even though I would have liked to meet some of the guys who were also hunting, but well.. wait until MHOH3... (btw there is talks about a third one... if you are interested in getting some nice stuff, it'd be a good opportunity.)

Now, back to aimless wanderings...

Hoorayi

Whoa, when I neglect something I really neglect it. The Mums are dried up, the dog is starving and there are no more clean dishes in the cupboards. and when was the last update? Hmm.. I remember the subject was Opacus and I getting partnered, I suppose I could give a little update on that. It's pure wonderfulness. The end.
Is probably the reason I have been neglecting things, too. I haven't done too much Rpping online, and haven't been very social, either. My RL is gearing up and I am online less often than before. What has happened is I would get online and not really have anyplace to go, or to see and would spend most of my time going through inventory. Whoopie. That is sarcasm. it is the exact opposite of Whoopie!, in fact there should be a punctuation mark invented just to show how not "Whoopie!" it is, the anti-exclamation mark. Whoopiei Yayi Hurrahi
Whatever.
I've been doing treasure hunts online. Make Him Over is having a sequel, and I'm halfheartedly doing that. I don't need more clothes and skins and stuff, I just like searching, and if I don't complete it all, that's ok. One of the past treasure hunts had a party afterwards, which I didn't know about until too late. I wonder if MHOH2 will. I think I'd go to that, I'll take off my antisocial hat and practice my woot woot.
Wooti Wooti
Opacus isn't spending too much time on Avilion, either. Apparantly there was a falling out when a key player decided to retire from SL and there was some miscommunication as to who the next leader was going to be, and some unpleasant exchanges were made between the combat classes and the owner of the sim. I don't feel I have enough information to explain this in great detail, so I'll just leave it at this. Sore feelings were had.
Morty has been keeping contact with me, and a few others as well.. Lenny and Daffyd, Tiffy, Del, Gaffer and frankie, and a few others. I met a new fella named Orion (sweet guy, I think he's single. I'm not though, if I were, I surely would try a little harder to attract his attentions) I don't see Rammy and Rico nearly as often as I'd like (hint hint, Rammy, I know you're reading this) but I do know they are busy with RL.
I haven't kept up with the blogroll either, so if there's fascinating news to be had from those I normally read, sorry guys, I'll try to catch up.
Not a grand post. no lofty thoughts or anything. I just moved a ton of flagstones to re-do my sidewalk, and so all my energies have been going into my back rather than into my brain, So if you're looking for something zen-like, well, you might have to read it again and plug your own zen-desire into some wordage I may have not intented. It's cool, I don't mind. I'll blog again, I'm sure. See ya around!

Light and Opaque

It wasn't prearranged. Opacus and I were hanging out. And it happened, quite organically.

First, some catch-up:

I've been doing some treasure hunts lately. Gridwide ones. I did the Make Him Over Hunt, and then the GLBT one, and the Just For The Guys one. Also casually picked up some other ones like the one with the magnifying glass and the one with the beachball. One sure way to expand your inventory like some treasure hunts. Most of it was good stuff, though. Don't remember which one it was, but one of the prizes was three sion eggs. Hadn't heard of this before, but I tried it out. Was absolutely thrilled to find out I had living chickies

Thing about these chickens is the need to eat. and they need to sleep and they need daylight and night light. My skybox is in chiaroscuro, as I mentioned before, which is a private sim owned by Greville Oh. And he had the sun fixed to daylight there, which to me didn't matter one way or the other.But now the chickens needed the sun unfixed in the sky, cause they went into status for four days in a row. So I contacted him and he said he'd do it, no problem.. So that was good.

Then I went to Colorado in RL vacation for a week, and asked Mortyian Emor to feed the chickens.. He'said he would, no problem. Thanks I said, and went on my merry way. I came back a week later, and found the chickens asleep in stasis. When Morty and Greville talked to me later, I found out what happened. Morty wasn't able to feed the chickens because the food kept disappearing due to auto-return. So he talked to Grev and Grev set the sun, because the chickens don't need food whent they are asleep. When I told him I was back from vacation, Greville unfixed the sun again.

Apparantly this didn't affect the chickens.. they were in stasis again for another 4 days. I decided that that was that. And so I bought a plot of mainland to raise the chickens. I have a premium account and had never claimed my land, so now was as good a time as any. I looked around the grid for a while, kinda seeing what was out the, when I realized that my friend Tiffy had some land and she had said that her and her neighbors were a really tight, friendly group who got along well. I liked the idea of knowing who the neighbors are and liking them, so I asked if there was any land nearby for sale, and yes there was. I am now neighbors with Tiffy Vella and her pet rhinocerous Ionesco. So I set up a tipi and chicken coop and a little pond and made a happy little home.

So yesterday I came online and was trying to clean up my inventory in Chiaroscuro, which is a never ending job with all these treasure hunt items. And I noticed Opacus was on. I called him up and said hello, and we had some pleasantries :) He reminded me that my chickens were almost out of food, so I rushed over to them and set up a bowl. He was waiting for me there. That taken care of, we tried to figure out what to do. I'd rather do stuff with Opacus than do stupid ol inventory any day.

We bounced around to several sims. got a free quilt and Bible, and went down a waterslide. He did some 7 seas fishing, which I never got into. and then bounced around some more, went to some lame freebies shop, and trying to figure out to do, I suggested we go to Jungle Wear, where at least we could figure it out in a decent shop. So we went there, and I bought myself some decent chest hair. Still couldn't figure out what to do, so I found a porch swing and he and I just sat on it for a while, enjoying each other's company.

We talked about this and that, little stuff and eventually we talked about bigger stuff. I asked him if he ever thought of partnering with me and he said he had, and I told him I had too. And I said I would like to do it with him and he wanted to too, and it got really swell and great and we got partnered right there on the spot! It wasn't prearranged at all.

We don't have any sort of ceremony planned. which isn't to say there won't be one, but we didn't plan any of this, just did it. I contacted Leniad to see if there was anywhere he would suggest we go to celebratw, and he suggested a pool party at Sweetgrass, and we went there.. It was loud and busy and I made an announcement in local chat to everyone, but it was soon drowned out by the Woot Woots, which was ok for me. The Dj or host kept calling me Light, apparantly not reading my name right. and I liked how that worked with Opacus' name, which derives from opaque.

So Light partners with Opaque this day of August 2, 2009.

Crystallized Moments

It's funny, art is.. the way it captures a moment and freezes it in time. A photo still, a written word, a melody crystalizes a moment and suddenly this pure energy is given edges where context and meaning can grip and hold the moment.

If you've ever taken a photograph that was...just...perfect..., you know what I mean. Or if you've ever said the exact phrase that solved a problem eloquently and succinctly, the type of phrase you stop to taste and savor, you have had a touch of art. And these things happened, forgotten if not recorded. If the timing was off, a passing car's squealing tires would mar a symphony, and the child's bee-like attention would blur the photo.

There is a reason why there are masterpieces in the world. There is a reason Edvard Munch's The Scream is terrifying and laughable at once. Salvador Dali's devotion and dedication to his wife Gala are intricately wedged between bowls of rotten fruit and stilted tigers. Painting require attention and time, unlke a photo, which is immediate. But it's not the process of painting that garners the genius, and sometimes it's not even the painting itself. Sometimes its the story around the painting. Grant Wood's American Gothic was a flop when it was first display. It won 300 dollars in a contest, but then became sort of a laughing stock of mid-America. Almost eighty years later it is the pivotal litmus test of Midwestern American Art, the comparison.

As I reread my earlier blog articles, I am somewhat confounded as to why I may have said this or that, whether what I said is actually true, or only slivenly true. Not that I would lie. I have no reason to lie. But I might be neglecting important elements to the story or portraying only a singular perspective. There is always more that one can put onto a story or essay. Despite the photo's indication, the child doesn't always sit so still.

The Best versus The Great

Ok, I reserve myself to being a casual blogger. Last one was a month ago, and I hadn't even touched on the millions of issues that I wish to write about. But all one can do is make an effort, correct?

So perhaps my ambitions are too high for my output. This is my own opinion. For a very long time, I feel, I have been quite lazy about making efforts. In a sense, I have felt worn out, overworked, under-appreciated, and unfulfilled. And it is my hope that that stone has been turned over. Since last October I have been going to a therapist (in RL) for a variety of reasons, primarily depression and angst towards my changing life. And since then, numerous events have changed in my life. My last therapy session was this past Tuesday, and by last I don't just mean my latest. It was my last session, for both my therapist and I feel I have developed the specific tools that I need to overcome my particular issues. I should only need to visit her if my depressions and anxieties are too overwelming for me for me to cope ably. Also these past few weeks, the department in which I work has had some major rennovations in how we the members deal with each other as individuals and as a team. At first, the consensus was that the activities we participated would be merely the latest attempt to fix an unfixable problem. It seemed to most of us the only remedy was an amputation of workers. This past week has been an eye opener for all of us in the department, I feel, and I think we may be on the right track.

I joined facebook, both in real life and for my SL persona. (you may request friendship, if you so wish. I don't think I'd turn anyone away) and i reunited with friends from WAAYY back.. and in a more reflective moment, I realized that the past is the past, and one cannot redo it, though one can learn from it.. That was also an important revelation that we came upon in our work rennovation.

And the future is and always will be malleable. The only certainty is death, but we cannot know the details of that. So what does that leave us? Obviously that leaves us only with the present. This is not a major world shaking revelation.. Countless generations have discovered this before I have, and I have known this before, as well. But sometimes it's important to return to the idea, you know, every once in a while, to help us find out where are feet are planted.

I know I have potential for great things, and I know that I have accomplished great things. I hope and expect to do great things in the future. But what makes them so great? there are manhy historical examples of people we nowadays consider "great", who themselves may have, in their own context have actually been pretty regular people who did the best they could. Thomas Edison, for example, was considered "addled" as a child, but he went on to change the entire 20th century. His first patent was a flop, and one of his inventions killed a man (the flouroscope). He was also deaf since the age of 12. Knowing these "failures" of such a highly esteemed man brings him off his pedestal a little bit, and makes him a bit more "human".

I make mistakes. Some I admit to and some I do not. And some I am aware of and some I am not. Being "great" doesn't mean infallible, nor does it mean being famous or acclaimed. There are millions, billions of great people in the past and in the present who go about their daily lives with no acknowledgement. One shouldn't be so worried about "greatness" as I often am. One should perhaps be more concerned about being and doing the best one can.

Is a little reminder to myself.

One hand on getting a grip.

In my last post, I spent a good amount of e-ink on a self pity. I bemoaned the use of this blog for being anything more than a narcissistic attempt for attention. For this I am greatly embarrassed. I sounded like a whiner and under normal conditions I would just have those feelings and not express them in a public way, as eventually those feelings do pass and I come around again.
And that has happened. I'm not as mopey as I was, my depression passed and I've resolved my infidelity issues inworld. At least for the time being. I do think that, embarrassment aside, I have gained something from my little pity party. I appreciate the responses from that last post, from Rammy and Spanki, and I believe what I must do is try to FIX those things that are causing my such duress.
Oh boy. Fix them? That's like trying to eat a dinosaur with a taste spoon. I can't even identify all the problems I have, much less apply a solution to them.
But, really, that's why I subtitled my blog "Getting a Grip" (well, that and it worked pretty good with the Slippery Eel title.) It's to try to work out some problems I have and secondarily to chronicle my experiences in SL. I'm not hard-nosed about the mission of the blog, as I tend to ramble from subject to subject and sometimes I lose my way. But I do find that with that technique, one runs across some gems that otherwise would have been overlooked. It's not like I'm being paid to do this.
SL offers me a grand opportunity to explore some corners of my soul that I would not have attempted in RL where my name is my honor and my honor is held by me under lock and key. There are certain things I would not do in RL that I really must do, such as coming out of the closet, and accepting my geekness as a strength rather than as a liability. In RL, I live a rather ordinary life, I think, but in SL, I can attempt anything if I put my mind to it. I sense a worry though, in that I am starting to see a crystallization of my being "Leigh Eel" as a testimony for the actions I do in SL, and I'm losing some of the freedoms of association that I had when I began my SL quest. This is probably the main reason why I had the urge to clear my friends list, as associations mean preconceptions, and I worry that I will lose the impetus to grow as a real person if I must carry the baggage of a second identity along with the first one. I won't clear my friends list. I did that once, and I regretted it. In fact, there is one person whom I did clear and haven't refriended and often I wonder if I have hurt that person. Perhaps I should contact him.

As I've grown on SL, I have discovered a great number of wonderous things, and I have branched out in my ways of discovery. Following blogs is one example of this. I started out following a couple, personal blogs, and then I started examining other blogs that my friends had been following, and some of them were very very interesting. One extraordinary blog is Bettina Tizzy's Not Possible in Real Life. If you are familiar with NPIRL, I don't have to explain it, if you are not familiar with it, I cannot explain it, check it out for yourself (link is on this page).
This is a prime example of the paradox of my feelings towards other people. I am constantly amazed at the possibilities that other people have strived and achieved, and thus I have deep admiration for those who do achieve. On the other hand, it distresses me that I do not strive to do the most I can for myself. Her latest blog entry that I read was focused on Flea Bussy and Grendel's Children (which I totally recommend as well) I read that entry and became saddened for myself, because I have not achieved a similar SL success. After almost two years, I'm still bumbling about not having learned scripting, animations, or even uploading sounds. I will say that I do have strength in building, but what good is a tuba if you can't play it? And how does it benefit me if I have no idea how to sell it? So I hear about those who have marvelous successes and I tinge with jealousy, because I COULD be doing that, but instead I simply don't. I still like seeing the wonders that are available, but am I only about experiencing things? I don't want to be. I want to leave a legacy, and I feel that I am not

Oh hell, another long entry, and I still have mountains to say. Will have to save it for another time.

Current Events in Eel's Life

Been over a month since I last posted a blog, and I think that can be accounted for lack of interest. I just don't think I have anything that pertinant to say. In an earlier posting, I mentioned the purpose of the blog was for me to write for myself, to just jot down ideas or experiences or whatnot. And I believed that. At least, I told myself that.
Honestly, though, I was secretly hoping for feedback as well, and since my blogs had had such poor feedback, I figured, why bother? I can talk to myself all day long and not have to worry about punctuation. So I kind of just left it alone, gathering cobwebs and being a blobby thing that requested love and attention. Which it didn't get, so has become this neglected little plant in a small terra cotta pot sitting on a sill somewhere with brown crispy leaves.
So what do I say has been going on? I did that Make Him Over hunt and increased my inventory by 2,000 items! omg, and its all becasue of the packing amterial (The LM's and notecards), most of which ought to be just pitched. I fought a bout of depression, a small one, which only lasted a week. I avoided friends and get-togethers, and at one point was about ready to completely clear my entire friends list. I posed for a picture book about a centaur and a mermaid falling in love, and was rewarded with a beautiful new centaur skin, Palomino, thanks to Annabelle Fanshaw. That brings me up to six centaur avs I have.
My commitment to Opacus was tried, and good news! I passed. I was so worried that I was being unfaithful to him, when first I got into a heavy petting session with a friend, and then later started some heavy flirting with a new satyr (new to me, that is..) I won't mention his name, out of respect, and the result was for me to really look hard at my values and commitments. The new satyr and I are still friends, though we clearly established a platonic relationship. I talked to Opacus about it, and he said that it was ok if I wanted to flirt and stuff, since he does that as part of his rpping in Avilion, as long as I stayed true to my real feelings.
I'm so lucky to be with him.
What else? I set up some of my art in my windmill for display. I'm thinking of making it into an art gallery, with a ghostly chance of getting other artists to display, but I think if I do that, I would have to redesign the building for space. Plus I met someone who does this thing called.... oh hell, what did he call it? Third hand art projects? Is basically like a round robin writing exercise I used to do with friends (One person starts writing a story, the next person adds to it, a third person adds to that, and so forth) The art exercise would be with drawings instead. Sounds like fun, I'm interested in trying it. I do worry a bit about ownership, but not too much.
Don't really have much more to say.. in fact am kinda surprised I said anything at all here, as I started the blog lamenting that I don't have anything to write. So, that's about it for blogging.

SL AIDS quilt needs contributions

There is an AIDS quilt being put together. If you are interested in creating a panel for it, send JoshBear Sojourner a 2m x 2m x 1m all mods panel with a limit of 12 prims and he will happily add it. I made one, and Ricardito made one, and Rammy is working on one. The Quilt will be laying horizontal, but if you want to add some 3d to it, that's acceptable.

I went online and told Joshbear that I was going to blog it. so he gave me all the information.. which I will paste here (you can receive thes instructions by clicking on one of the large red cones in the area):

Here's what you've all been wanting... the details on how to make a panel for the AIDS Memorial Quilt!
First off, let yourself be creative. I found that making a panel was good therapy for me, and a nice way to get in touch with my feelings for my friend the panel was for. Don't worry about people judging your work (unless you really want to).
Second, the panel should say the name of the person somewhere. It's not a hard requirement, but that's sort of what the whole thing is about. You can also put the name of the person in the object's name, and write a little something in the description too.
There are two main ways to make a panel. One, make an image in Photoshop or GIMP or whatever you use for textures. Upload the image and put it on the top face of a flattened cube. That's it, you're done. The other way is to use the build tools to construct a panel in 3D.
Now, the details...
1) PG only. Please don't make panels that could only be displayed in a Mature sim. 2) Panels can use up to 12 prims. They must be linked together. The root prim should be the base or frame of the panel. 3) Maximum size is X:2m, Y:2m, Z:1m. (If you go over a little in height that's ok, we just don't want things to tower over other panels.) 4) No scripts(notecard giveror one rotation ok), particles, animations, spinners, etc. LIMIT 1 SLUPTIE..NO GLOW 5) VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!Set permissions to copy/mod/trans. (Check all three boxes under Next Owner Can in the edit window.) 6) You can put a notecard in the object. We'll add a script to display the notecard when the panel is clicked. You can use the notecard to say something about your friend, write a poem, anything you like really. If you do, say "click for notecard" in the description.
When you are done, give the panel to me,Jase Byrne (drop on my av or profile).
Peace and brownies all!
Jase

Also the LM: Rainbow Fountain Estate, Hiaka (61, 158, 24) (I'm hoping this will take you there, I've never posted a SL link on internet before. if not, there are the coordinates.. I can give you a LM if you are interested.. go ahead and IM me)

This is JoshBear's home sim. He is generously using his place for this, and if you want to create a panel and need some place to do so, you can do it in the area. He says the quilt will be at Pride. On Hiaka there are some examples from years past. (Which I took a couple pics of). Also on his sim is a gay memorial and a gay history museum "on the hill" and also a shopping area, as well as his home (across the river).

I spent some time there tonight, and I thought it was worthy to spread the information.

Love and Grace

I got a few minutes to blog.... Not much, but, well, you know. Do what you can...
Things happen so fast, in real life and in SL. It seems that when I have an opportunity to sit down to do what I want, there's an interruption of some sort of emergency. And what happens? what has to sacrifice? More often than not, it's my own desires that I sacrifice. Does it look like I'm not busy? Does it look like I'm doing nothing? Am I needed that badly that I can't even gather my thoughts for a few seconds?
O my, I'm rereading this and it sounds like "Poor little ol' me" syndrome. That's not my intention, really. Maybe I'm having an off day and just am venting. Who cares? this is on my mind, so I'm f-ing blogging it.
If you know anything about my RL, you know that I am a married man of 36 with two children whom I love dearly. You may also know that last year I finally came out of the closet ot my wife, then my parents and siblings. This past week I hit another "milestone" if you will with coming out. I told my 10 year old son this past Monday. Cub Scouts was cancelled, but we didn't know it, so we went anyway and sat in the parking lot of the meeting place. I had been meaning to talk to him for weeks about this, but I knew it would be difficult. A few weeks ago I told him that there was a particular reason that his parents might separate and divorce, but I didn't say which. later I told him that I was meaning to tell him, but I was a little "embarrassed" about it. (Not embarrassed in the sense that I was ashamed, more like an embarrassment that he could empathize with in his pre-teen brain). On Monday I told him.
I might as well have told him that he wasn't part of the family anymore. He didn't take it well. he hasn't wanted to talk about it with me, or with his mother, or anyone. I need to give him time to get used to it. Tuesday night I had a meeting out of town, so I didn't get home until his bedtime. The first time since he could talk that he didn't say "I love you" before I closed the door. Very sad, I know.. but it didn't break my heart.
It's because I am an adult. I know he loves me if he says those three magic words or not. I will always contitnue to say "I love you" to him for several reasons. I know he needs a strong foundation in me in order for him to make this adjustment. I know that my saying it will remind me that I need to be strong for him. I also say it because it is true. I do love him, how could I not? He is a significant person in my life and will always be that.
I know he is confused. He is already becoming indoctrined in this small-minded, sheltered community in the Bible Belt, which is not what I wanted for my children. He is past the age when "I love you" meant only one thing: Real, true love. Now he is understanding that "I love you" can mean other things. It can be used as a tool to bring people together or to put a wedge between them, or it can be used in a political sense, in which two people are vying for dominance. I can mean "I lust for you"or "I respect you" or "I am dependent on you". It can be trivial. "You got us tickets to see the concert tonight? I Love you!" It can mask horror "He beats me, but he says he loves me" It is often rationed out. Can you love more than one person at once? And is that love equal in amount and depth?
My son is starting to know there are many meanings to this phrase. Gone are the true, innocent days when "I love you" only means "You are a part of me that I forever want to care for", to be replaced with the racier, faster, slicker "I love you" of the grander world.
I love my son. I always will. No matter what.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The Tower

The Tower card, according to the little booklet that coomes with The Aliester Crowley's Thoth Tarot Deck says this: "Quarrel, Combat, Danger,Ruin, Destruction of plans, Ambition, Courage. Sudden Death. Escape from Prison and all it implies." This, on the onset, does not bode well for one who uncovers it. It appears that all one's plans are doomed to failure, loss of friendship, ruination. I harkens to Hurricane Katrina and Pompeii, and other natural disasters. One's gut reaction is fear and one's lasting impression might be worry and anxiety.

Looking at the card, one feels the destruction in the colors and the composition. Harsh reds and oranges stand out from distinct black, Sharp, pointed triangles forming teeth and flames devour a supposedly strong minaret while a fearful, angry eye watches in an neverending circle of destruction. The card was painted by Frieda Harris, a student of Aleister Crowley, and her entire series was exhibited in the Berkeley Galleries, 20 Davies Street, W.1 in London in July 1942.

The description of the painting follows: "Mars. Peh. Here is purification through fire, lightning, flames war. The open mouth at the base of the card alludes to the Hebrew attribution Peh meaning a mouth, the eye is the Eye of Shiva. The card is designed on the form of the carbon crystal, the figures falling from the tower ae made of carbon, the serpent on the right is the symbol of the active will to live, the dove on the left is passive resignation to death."

Mars is the guiding astrological sign for this card, as Mars is the governing body for war and destruction, and Mars is the Roman God of war (Greek Ares). In the ancient religions, War was as powerful and equal to any other natural force.

All of Ms' Harris' paintings of the Tarot are appropriate for the specific card, and The Tower is no exception. To uncover the Tower is to expect destruction and not only an end to projects, but a removal of them.

As I was driving home tonight from work, there were many controlled fires on the ranches flanking the highway. The tradition of burning fields is not a new one, the native Americans practiced this, and ecological scientists support this as it removes the old growth to allow for new growth and provides new nutrients for the soil. It seems destructive, but what it does is provide space for new constructs. It is our emotional ties that cause the dismay.

Destruction happens to all things. Nothing lives forever. Corporeal, spiritual, ideological and pedagogical routines must eventually be overturned to allow for growth. It is natural for this to happen and also inevitable. Death comes to all in Frogtown. What we must do is neither shun or be dismayed, nor should we feast in an unnatural obsession with destruction. Your house may burn down, and you may mourn that, but that's really all you can do. You pick up the pieces and move on.

Always Forgetting the Title

okay, I've put it off from two blogs now.. I have a picture of my centaurian armor. Drum roll.....
In this pick I have my bow. Recently I also bought an huge double- handed sword. Have been practicing with Opacus at his home, and at Seven Islands with both the bow and the sword. I've always been a pretty good shot with the bow, and tested myself by shooting at 45 meters, which is pretty far. Unfortuneately I didn't keep score, but I did pretty good. The swordplay was new to me, and I wound up getting hit more times than hitting (it seemed). but after a while I think I got the hang of it. Still pretty green with the sword, though. Practice practice practice!

Opacus and I are really getting along fantastically, I can't believe how lucky I am to have met him! He is a greeter at Avilion, and even though I have to put a shirt on, no one has yet told me to hide my privates, (which I like to call my publics, lol). He's sweet and kind and cute and strong and imaginative and sensitive and sensible and has a great sense of humor and adventure and style and perspective.

/me smiles and is at peace.

Here's a pic of him at his post in Avilion:You can see why I'm so infatuated, right?

What Can Happen in a Week?

It's been a little while since I blogged last, and I have to say that time in SL is very strange. One year is like 5 almost. One evening seems like a whole week, sometimes. It's a great way to extend one's life, lol. It's hard to imagine that I am about a one and a half years old, seeing how far I've come. I've learned a lot, experienced a lot, experimented a lot, and made many dear friends whom I never would have expected to even meet without SL. So despite the lags and rhinocerous-like inventory system some of the other pitfalls, I am very happy to have SL in my life. I do catch myself sometime in RL doing some SL stuff, like when commenting on fb or whatever, sometimes I might type "/me is happy to hear this" and expecting my name to pop up automatically, lol.

Great things have happened to me since I last blogged in. I've slowed down on club-goings recently, only attending one of Tiger's Islands after-contest parties, which turned into a Pretty in Pink theme. I haven't been to Premier for a while, or Atlantis, or IBGC, or some of the others I went to almost regularly. This leaves me a little sad, because I'm missing out on some good times with some great people. I do not want to lose touch with anyone, and I fear that may happen. I hope not. There are lots of good people.

One sad note. Aasha Aeon passed away in RL this past week. I did not know her very well, but I've met her at some of Chiaroscuro's events and still I will mourn for her. She was an artist, and her gallery is found on Sephoria. Her partner is Lorant Criss, and he is preparing a memorial service for her, sometime this next week. Greville has decided to keep her house intact as a tribute to her, which I think is a very fine idea. I wish I could have known her better.

In my last post, A Return, I mentioned that I was re-establishing my fantasical roots. I had been a satyr for a very long time, and when clubbing, I'm hooman. Lately I've dusted off the centaur av and have been doing that for a while. I mentioned the armor, which I still haven't taken a pic of for my hard drive (oy vey!) I've gone to Avilion a few more times, and the other night I discovered a very active fantasy community in The Seven Islands (Isles?, sheesh, I should take better notes), which is light rp, which I much more prefer. OCC's are fine, anachronistic talk is fine, etc. all you have to do is be playful. Seven Islands is connected to a massive fantasy continent, (guesstimating 25 sims) and I hope to do more exploring. I've met many new friends and this new arena seems to have given me a revitalization with SL. Last night I met up with Rammy and Opacus at one of the campfires there and we met many of the residences and regulars. It was a little hard, because we were trying to talk about some RL stuff, but it was excellent to meet the people too, so after juggling seven (I think that's a record for me!) IMs and keeping up with local chat which was filled with 4 different conversations, I was exhausted and a little lost, but happy.

One other thing has done the same thing. In my last post, I mentioned a cute little fae. That cute little fae has done something to me. He has stolen my heart! and I ain't pressing charges. After Rammy logged off, Opacus and I went to his new home, which still has cardboard boxes strewn aboutand looks mostly like an immense beach, and we walked around, and I carried him on a long beach run (as I was still centaur) and we reached the top of a hill. I was very tired from all the socializing earlier, but I wanted to spend some time with him alone, and this was the perfect opportunity. We held each other, and we kissed, and then....

I don't know. Maybe I was very tired from the activities. Maybe my defenses were down. Maybe I actually spoke what I felt (which is odd for me, I'm usually pretty reserved about expressing my feelings) because my new life is allowing me to enjoy myself and do for myself. I have no regrets at all. I thought that I might, Was it too soon after breaking up with Rico? What about my other friends whom I have gotten very close to? Do I really want this?

Yes. Last night Opacus and I became offical boyfriends. And my heart sings! do not know what is around the corner, not entirely sure how this come to be, but in the moment, now, Opacus is my steady, and I cannot wait to see him again!

A Return...

I haven't been to many clubs of late. A couple here and there, but not much. Lately I've re-established some ties to my fantasy roots some. For the past week I'vebeen making armor for my centaur, and I've visited Farhaven and Avilion and Glimmer. I've been hanging out more in Chiaroscuro as well. I've rediscovered my spellfire bow, and have even thought about dusting off my old wand.



Not really sure why we do what we do, but here's a hint for mine: cute li'l blonde fae named Opacus. I met him on Chiaro maybe three weeks ago, when Iwas hanging out with a few friends. He just walked up in his gorgeous deep blue skin (from Fallen Gods, not that I'm endorsing them or anything, just if you wanted a reference.) He was so kind and sweet and unpresuming. THAT's the kinda guy for me. Not pushy in the least. Each night I've been looking to seeing him more than the next night. THAT must mean something, eh? And when I found out he was based in Avilion, I had to do some thinking: How was I to get to Avilion?



Avilion is for serious RPpers. I am not into serious RPing. I like to play with my persona, but I don't like a lot of the rules that are imposed on Rping. Like dress codes. ick.. In Avilion, everyone must wear a shirt. Uh.. ok.. I'm a satyr or a centaur, most of the time, and they don't wear clothes. But read the rules... Crap,, so I've been centaur and I put on a medieval type shirt. Looked stupid, felt constraining.. Tried another one. Nah.. I couldn't get it. So, I thought about the Narnia movies, and remembered the centaurs in those often wore armor. Hey, that'd work ok. so I went to building armor. (I'm not done.. hopefully sometime this week I'll be finished. I'll take a pic). I also went searching in some of the medieval shops for a decent shirt to wear under the armor.. I finally found one, but the polace was so laggy that I wound up buying two sets because my comp froze right after I clicked "buy" and I was so frustrated I hit the "buy" button again. Grr... fortunately it wasn't too expensive. But since I wasn't done with the armor, Opacus and I went to Avilion he in his fae outfit and me assatyr with (grr..) a shirt and pants on. I felt like a kid on school picture day, tugging on my collar and itching my pants. But I wanted to visit his home, so I did it.



Avilion is beautiful. There are many hidden corners and wide open spaces. Very romantic place. And active too. There was a drum circle going on at the time, but we avoided that,as there were some niches that Opac wanted to show me. I'll go again, I'm sure, and I want to show off my centaur armor, for def.



When does someone decide when the person they are with is the one they want to be with? I really want to know. I wasn't really looking to hitch up with anyone, but I do know I want to spend more time with Opacus.

Random Album Art

Last post I put up were about odd album covers.. Currently on facebook, I got a link about creating your own random album.. I'm gonna share mine here. I'm including the entirety of the note, so you could do it yourself.. Some of the ones I've seen are pretty good.



1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random... Read More... Read More”or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:RandomThe first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.



2 - Go to "Random quotations"or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.



3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.



4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.





(regarding #4: I used Microsoft paint, as I don't really have a good photoshop program)



Here's mine:



Some of these are pretty cool.. This one is so-so. lol.. but it's totally random!

They PRODUCED these...

Did you know Barry Goldwater put out an album? I'm sure you knew the California Raisins did... What were the Village people to do after A Flock of Seagulls came by? How much whipped cream does it take to cover five middle aged women? Can you think of some music to be murdered by? Are you interested in hearing about Rae Burbon's operation? Would you like to hear the addicts sing? (these would be real addicts, you know, druggies, not just a band name.) Or perhaps enjoy the tunes of the fingerless fiddler? Need some good music to break a sub-lease? How many albums DID Jack Van Impe put out? and who the hell is Little Marcy? Questions you never even thought were questions abound!


Or perhaps it's not the music that moves you, maybe its the art!


Friend of mine sent a link to some incredibly BAD album art. I shudder to think that I did actually own a couple of them... "Rappin' Rodney" and "FunFit" with Mary Lou Retton. Gah...



explore and enjoy! http://www.bizarrerecords.com/

Feeling weird, and Gunthar

In every blog, I think I use the phrase "I feel weird about..." something or another. I feel weird about meeting new people. I feel weird about going to new places, I feel weird about associating with certain things. I just feel weird about everything.



So what, Leigh? you might ask (Ok, YOU might not ask, cause you're really nice, but the "you" in my head might ask this.) So what if you feel weird about going somewhere in a shiny rubber latex cat-suit. So what if you feel weird about stripping on stage? So what if you feel weird about following some soap opera that really doesn't make any sense? Get over your freaking self and just experience new things. That's why I'm on SL in the first place, isn't it? To do things that I never would think of doing in the RW, and do it anonymously.



Sorta anonymously. I have two accounts. I have Mr. Leigh Eel, who lives in a windmill in the sky and goes to clubs and meets sexy men and falls in love too easily. Leigh is living my gay lifestyle, and tries new things. I also have one alt, Gunthar. who I think I pulled out only about four times in the past year. I created him with a brand new email account so that I could try making money doing surveys and such, and then transfer the money to Leigh for his lavish lifestyle. What I learned almost right away is that is a bad idea! I spent so much time doing stupid surveys about dish detergent and Reese's Peanut butter cups, made maybe L$500 at the most, and got a mailbox stuffed full of spam. I stopped doing that. Recently I dusted Gunthar off and went inworld with him.



Leigh is sexy. He has great skin, a fine shape, and wears nice clothes. Gunthar is relatively nooblike. When I went online with him, he still had a freebie skin that looked blase and pale, home made clothes that looked like they were painted on and helmet hair. So I transferred a little money to him and got him a cheap but presentable skin, hair, outfit and ao. I've only contacted one friend, and befriended him, because I don't expect to use this account much ever. Maybe just on those few times when I really want to get away from Leigh's problems. Gunthar doesn't have much of a personality or history, because he doesn't get used often. But he still has the same typing problems.



I guess I didn't address the feeling of being weird, now did I? I think the reason I was thinking this in the first place was that I've noticed my SL activity outside of inworld. I started by reading Rammy's blog (found here) and then Igot interested in his friend's blogs, and that reached out to other areas. Now Leigh has his own myspace page and his own facebook page. And I started corresponding with Sl folk whom I've barely met (I don't think I've ever met JC in SL and he's one of my few facebook friends) and I'm following the Second Lives of people whom I've never met. And to me THAT's weird. But if they don't mind, I guess it's not really that big a deal. I love my friends, and wish them all well in everything they do, even if I do register pretty low on the radar.


So anyway. Happy Lincoln's birthday, Darwin's birthday, President's Day, Valentine's Day and Friday the 13th to everyone out there! That's weird. It's like the lesser known holiday season that you don't get time off for from work.

Also, Blogging news: I put up a new header on this blog, if you may have noticed. Or rather, I put one up, as there wasn't one before. It has the two clipart eels touching noses. What do you think? I'm not much of a graphics designer, so my blog isn't terribly snazzy. But I try.

Lydia, Oh Lydia, Oh have you met Lydia?

Hello friends. My SL and my RL took a quantum jump closer to each other a couple nights ago as I met up with a friend of mine from the old college days in SL. It seems she has been playing SL about as long as I have. Her SL name is Lydia, and her real life persona is as sweet and wonderful as anyone.

A couple of weeks ago I (the Real life I) started an account with facebook. I had an account with myspace, and it seemed to become very quiet. Some of my friends said "we're on facebook more often" so I decided to give it a spin. Iwas absolutely amazed at how easy it was to connect with old friends and classmates that I hadn't seen in decades. I quickly racked up a list of old and current friends and touched base with many from my past. On facebook right now is a popular note titled "25 things about me" in which you do just that.. write down 25 thing about yourself. One of these for me was that I play Second Life. One of my friends sent me a message stating that she does as well. After a few messages back and forth, we agreed to meet inworld.

I was rather nervous about this. When I was in college, I was studying technical theatre, and I did some acting as well. She was studying to be a stage manager, so we got toknoweach other pretty well. In fact I had asked her out on a date even, to a friend's wedding. At the time, I thought I was straight and so forth, and everyone who knew me knew me a straight. So when I agreed to meet her. I had to explain my very gay profile. And I did.

And guess what? the world didn't end. lol.. She was understanding and so forth, as a true friend can be. We talked about our real lives, our careers, and our Second Lives and we had a wonderful time chatting it up. I looked at her profile, and went to one of her Picks places, a place that sells musical instrument.. Very good ones too. I bought a guitar. After I go inworld tonight, I'll make note of which one it was and post it here, because right now I can't remember. I do recommend the place.

The next night (last night) I chose to not contact her. I felt as if my brain might short circuit with all recent floods of memories coming back on me. I sent her a message via fb about this, and she said her sentiments were the same. I guess finding me online was just as surprising for her.

Anyway. My SL is now one dimension closer to my RL, and that's weird. But there are many weird things nowadays, so I'm taking it in good course.

The Amazing Incredible Wonderous JAZZ Hall

Was feeling a little exhausted last night. My Second Life has been feeling some weight upon it that just has been wearingme down quite a bit lately. Somehow, I have gotten myself interested in some weird soap opera thatis going on in the gay community of SL, and have been following all sorts of lines of interest. I have checked various blogs, and examined groups and avatar profiles and asked questions and been through some worry and intrigue and so on and so forth...


And for why? I've always been inquisitive, and I love trying to figure puzzles and riddles out. But it has been getting ridiculous the lengths that some people will go just to prove a stinking point.


So I gave it a break and I went looking for something new.


I went to Laurel Arts Isle, and was found the Sunset Jazz club, and was immediately relieved. kool music.. Sinatra and the Rat Pack, Ella Fitzgerald, Cole Porter, Mel Torme, were playing, and it was so freakin relaxing. Not techno, not classic rock, no music with an edge, just koolness.


A friend wanted me to help him out with a game he was building. I said, "Man, I just want to chill tonight. I'll help you, but do I have to get up?"


"Naw." he said.. "it's a chat game.." so he ccame by and we hung out on the couch and I was his guinea pig for his game. It was a pretty risque game, so I was a little worried that someone would complain about the language of the game, and I said so. I just found this place and I didn'twant to get banned from it right away. So we worked on his game, and then Lenny showed up.


I've known Lenny for a while now, and I really like him, but we've never hung out in a situation other than at a club where he was working, and I was grooving. Here we just hung out and talked about stuff. It was refreshing. My other friend, Tryingto, had some things to do, so he left. So itwas just Lenny and me chatting and listening to music until the end of the night when Lenny's mate came by and I had to log off for the night.

Here's a pic of me being a third wheel.

So I was wondering what to title this blog. And I thought about all the stupid soap opera hoohah going on it seems everywhere, and I was gonna title this The Amazing Incredible Wonderous Nothing, because that's all the soap opera is. But I didn't like the sound of that, gave away the story too soon. I thought of synonyms and only came up with void and emptiness. And so I went to a website for synonyms, and I searched for a synonym for void, thinking that would be the most specific there, and lo and behold, Jazz was listed as a synonym, with this as the specific definition: - empty rhetoric or insincere or exaggerated talk. And since I went to a Jazz club, it was a perfect double entendre.

I don't usually plot out the literary choices I make like this, but here it seems appropriate.

To thine own self be true

Been in a Slakespearean mood:

This is from Hamlet, advice given by the doddering old rambler, Polonius, to his son Laertes.

Yet here, Laertes! Aboard, aboard for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for.
There ... my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg’d comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel but, being in,
Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man;
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!



For about one day I set up on this blog a tracker, to see who came to look at the blog. and I checked in after a day, and I saw a couple people come. (Hello!) And I began thinking about why I did it in the first place. I was getting a little paranoid, and when that happens I tend to throw up barriers and walls, and other security devices. I have one of those beehive security systems for my skybox, in fact. This was after I was encased by a griefer. One incident and I set up a security system to keep people out. This was fine, keeping out griefers, but you know what? It also kept out potential friends. And the same thing is true about the blog tracker, I think...


If someone wants tolook at my blog, they are welcome to, and if they wish to leave a comment, they are welcome to do that as well. If they choose not to write a comment, they do not need to, and if they wish to remain anonymous, who am I to try to expose them? It's not a very hospitable thing to do. Anyone is welcome to visit and have their anonymity protected, just as anyone is welcome to visit my skybox at home as they wish.



I want to be a kind person, and if someone else wants to be a jerk, that shouldn't affect my actions. That is how I will try be true to myself.

So I took the tracker down out of repect to my visitors.

Travel The Globe!

Rammy and I went to visit The Globe Theatre the other night, and we decided to write a review of it.. I haven't seen what Rammy has written yet, so I'm sure he had a different take of the place then me.

I had just gotten some FREE Gibson Guitars from Slexchange and was checking them each out When Rammy came by. They were nicely made, but no music installed, which was why they were free, I guess. I'm not much of a musician, but on SL I could fake it. I thought they was cool looking so I looked in my inventory for other cool stuff I had. I put on the kilt that Franzi gave me a while back, and Rammy's Jackson Pollack shirt. I topped it off with a Tricorn, and had this odd mod pirate get-up. I felt like visiting Somalia.

We looked in the search engine for the Globe Theatre and were surprised that there were four of them. So I looked at him and he looked at me and we both shrugged. "Why don't we visit all four and then write a compare and contrast review of each of them?" I said. "Great idea," he said. And like some creepy 1940s road movie, off we went, to the first one.

Teleportation complete.

We showed up and the first thing I noticed was how freakin' long it took to rez. Everything was grey. Apparantly it didn't take as long for Rammy, because he felt underdressed for the Globe. He put on a more appropriate outfit, and in we went.

It would have been breathtaking, walking into the theatre that Shakespeare created his marvelous plays. If there weren't so many signs and notices and so forth. take a look:

I'm certain they take down all these signs when there's a show. but it does kinda blow the casual viewer's experience of visiting SLakespeare's globe (see what I did there? SL-askespeare, I'm so clever :P) during the off-show times. There were hundreds of these SOS signs,which stands for Save Our Sims, and though Ifeel the sentiment, I did think these were terribly misplaced. Many of them asked for donations.

I wandered around backstage, and I could hear Rammy onstage uoting Hamlet, which was neat. I've been in one Shaksepeare play, Measure for Measure, and have worked on many others in my RL theatre experience, but I have a terrrible time remembering any of the lines at any particular time.

I wanted to see what the house was like, so I attempted to enter one of the box seats. This was a Herculean task, for as I tried, suddenly I was on the edge of the sim, uncontrollably walking. This is when Rammy discovered that the theatre actually sat on the corner of four sims, which makes sense as far as keeping the lag down, spreading it amongst the four sims. But in such a laggy place regardless, I went a-walkin. Also at this discovery, we realized we didn't have to review four different Globe Theatres and I was very happy about that prospect.

Eventually we got into some seats and looked at the stage from the audience's perspective. All in all, it looks like the place works, but it was so laggy that we didn'twant to spent too much more time there exploring what else the sims had to offer. Earlier that day they held auditions, (for which show? I'm not sure...) and they must have recently put on Twelvth Night, jusging from all the posters. We both joined the group to await the notice of the next play. I hope they move all the signs..

Afterwards, we went to AM Radio's The Wheat Field, http://slurl.com/secondlife/Dreamworld%20North/241/134/22/ and later I took Rammy to see AM's exhibit at the University of Kentucky called Beneath The Thinking Tree, which Tiffy told me about a while back. http://slurl.com/secondlife/University%20of%20KY/112/62/811, but the link seemed to be broken, orthe exhibit was taken down, so we spent the time wandering around the air. Rammy got an IM from his friend Doug, whom he invited, but apparantly Doug was busy. I met him once, and would have liked to see him again, but if he was busy, he was busy, what can you do...?

(NOTE: The events that are portrayed in this post Actually happened yesterday, Sat Jan 24. The events portrayed in the previous post, Cat Scratch Fever, odccured Friday, Jan 23. I posted both tonight, because they were starting to pile up, I've got another one that I have to finish, but it doesn't have anything to do with events that happen at any particular time, so I can throw it in anytime. )

Cat Scratch Fever

Hmmm.. Been itching for a new thing lately. Or an old thing that's been ignored, p'haps.

When you log in, you appear the way you did the last time you logged out. There have been plenty of times I log in with my cock hanging out, proud as Mary cause I didn't put 'er away the night before. Not so much embarrassing, unless you forget to set you login location to home as well..

Tonight I appeared in neko. Couldn't remember for the life of me why. I know it was late, and I was getting a little punch-drunk. I do remember we were sitting around the campfire switching av's last night... I must have put my neko outfit on.

Now there are some dedicated nekos out there.. and you gotta have the right mindset to do it. Since I was in the mood to try something new, and I already had the av on, I decided to go neko tonight, to you know, see how it fit me.

I contacted Spanki and asked for some advice, and because I keep peanut butter in my ears, I forgot to write the advice down.. but it went something like this.. "They are independant and dependant... and---, um... er.."

aw hell, 'scuse me while I log in real quick to check...

/me logs in

Well, fook. I don't have it saved. Well it was really good advice, nice and concise.

about being independant and dependant and loving a good scratch, and umm... stuff...

So I went to a place called Mig's, where I found a nice area to curl up and sleep for a bit. I batted at some reeds, and mrowed some.. Spanki was there in IM as my neko advisor, and we talked about pets and stuff. I found a dance area that was streaming some poppy music and a couple others were there... I danced some, but then I soon got bored. So I went to another place that was in the search engine under "neko". It was a Japanese looking place, very pretty. I found a tai chi spot and spent some time there. After a little while I decided that that was enough of that and I wandered around a little more. Found a handy place to relieve myself in this Japanese garden, and when the owner of the sim came by, I thought maybe I had better skeedaddle.

Not sure if I'm neko material.. won't give up the ship yet, cause I did find this real interesting feather on a string that did keep me busy for hours, and after that I fell asleep.

Trust me.

Trust is the father of risk. I don't know if that's an actual quote. It could be, though, it's got all the right parts. It's short, punchy, colorful, relative, and personified. It also has a subject that is universal. Whether it is accurate remains to be seen

Everyone deals with issues of trust. Who does one trust, how does one gain trust, when is trust broken? Questions that are always different in every circumstances.. Is like a river, always the same, always different.

There are a few people I truly trust, I have known them and believe that they are not out to do me harm. There are a few people whom I do not trust... they have proven themselves to cause me harm in one way or another in the past and have no intentions of righting that harm. There is the vast majority of people whom I do not either trust or distrust, some of whom I have interacted with, some of whom I don't even know exist.

I like to think of myself as a risk-taker. In Tarot, I am almost always 0 The Fool, ready to jump blindly into the next situation, knowing full well that there will be perils and pleasure. For me to take a risk, I must first feel confident that the reason for taking the risk is beneficial. Why take a risk if there is no chance for gain? If there is something to gain, take the risk. If there's nothing to gain, skip it, it's not worth your while. But for the unknown benefits... that's where the trust comes in..

I trust my friend Rammy. When I met him the other day, I took a certain risk, (which I shall not reveal) and he responded in a way that in itself was similarily risky, and I think we both benefitted.

So is trust the father of risk? I think perhaps it is not the father, but maybe, ummm.. a guardian, or an overseer of risk. The cultivator?

I talked to my friend at work the other day about friendship. I think I clarified friendship well enough for me, if there is doubt. A friend will listen to your problems, may or may not judge, may or may not try to solve. Doesn't matter. more importantly, will share his (or her) problems with you. That is how I am to gauge whether a person is a friend or not. If they listen to my problems, yet do not trust me enough to tell me theirs, there is some sort of agenda going on... If they tell me their problems yet don't listen to mine, they are attention vampires. A strong friendship has balance on both sides, whether is a minor friendship or a major one.

And that's what I have to say about that right now.

Check it check it check it!

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Car Rides and an Answer to an Age Old Question

Yesterday I was going to go to tainted boys club bacause it was Saturday and most of their scheduled events are at 12 noon SL, (which is 2 CST) when I am at work during the rest of the week. When I first looked at their schedule, I was kinda confused. But then I realized it was run by and attended mostly by Europeans, and so it made sense. Anyway, the only day I can go is Satuday, so that's what I intended to do. The theme of the day was "bad taste"... I decided to skip that part and just go and have fun.

Well, I got to the mall outside the shop when Rammy IMmed me.. I was hoping to hear from him, so I started chatting with him, and I guess we chatted for a good long time, because when I checked the minimap, I saw there was only two other avs in the area... everyone else had left. I had totally missed the party. Ah, well, I woulda rather chatted with Rammy anyway. So I was standing there, and a British vehicle called a MINI pulled up, and the driver asked if I wanted a ride. This took me by surprise, as I didn't recognize the driver. "I'm not a woman." The driver said, "even if I look like one."

"You look like a little car," sez I.

"lol, hop in."

So I didn't know what to do. I didn't know this person, and my RL cautions were about to take over, but then I thought, "what's the worse thing that could happen, I'll get raped?" More risks for Leigh. I hopped in and went into mouselook, and looked at the driver. Ah, a woman.. that's why he said that.

"I'm not a woman" he repeated. "I'm wearing this because of the party we just had" (jsyk: I am paraphrasing... these are not his exact words). Ah, the bad taste party... How this was in bad taste, I don't know, cause I wasn't there. "I'll switch back" he said, and thusly swutch back as promised. He was cute.

It was a British car, but I, the passenger was on the right side, which was opposite from British cars, as I understand. Had I not been white-knuckled from the insane way this guy was driving, and hanging onto the panic bar I might have questioned it. We drove everywhere on the mall, and I mean EVERYwhere. on the sidewalks, smashing into other cars, over the fountain, and even in the tree once. Thank god for roll bars. We ended up in the dance club, where he was having trouble doing a three-point turn-around to get out. I said thanks for the ride, and didn't know what to do next. My legs were a little liquidy, and I had banged my head once on the window. I was generally okay, though. He hopped into his 1957 silver and green convertible Bel-air. Now I gotta say, this is one car that will make me cream my pants. I'm not a car buff, but I LOVE the Bel-air. I have wet dreams about them. He asked me in again, and between my drools, I got in, and we drove around the mall some more, but this time I didn't notice his reckless driving skills. I was wondering what he wanted from me. Was he picking me up? or was he just being genuinely friendly?

I checked his profile out. Adonis was his name, and he was co-owner of tainted-boys. I thought this was strange, as I hadn't met him before, and he was inviting me in his cars and such. I knew he had just gotten married to the other owner, trace17, just the previous weekend, because I had gotten a notice of it via the blue notes. He showed me another car, a beemer, and I started thinking he just liked showing off his cars. He asked me what I was doing there. I told him I intended an going to the party, but had gotten distracted. I told him how I found the sim by looking for Lenny and GG's shop a couple weeks ago. He took me over to the shop, which I had already located, but I went along anyway. We both agreed that Lenny is a very good guy. I don't think anyone anywhere would disagree with that. and then I asked him about the wedding. He absolutely glowed talking about trace and the whole ceremony and so forth, and he started rezzing boxes to show me pics. I said he should put them in a scrap-book, when he pulled one out and started flipping the pages. It looked like a beautiful wedding, every one looked very happy. The reception was in the clouds and there was a monstrous swan.

This was one of those moments when you might think, "how long am i gonna look at these photos?" and I was thinking of making a exit when he asked me: "Are you an elf?" I thought this question was non sequiter, but I explained, that no, I was a satyr, dressed as human. He was unfamiliar with the word, so I said faun. "Ah ha," he said. "What does a faun do?"

This brings up a question that I hadn't really had an answer to before.. what'sthe difference between a faun and a satyr? many people have different answers, but during this little conversation with Adonis, I think I came up with a satisfactory answer.

Without missing a beat, I answered. "I fuck around." which is pretty true.

I've been kinda a slut lately, but that's ok with me. Hope it's ok with you. I don't consider myself a faun. To me, a faun skips around, playing pipes, and makes chains of flowers. A satyr is more carnal and would rather stick his cock into anything that has a hole than weave a daisy chain (unless it's the OTHER type of Daisy chain....). Not that I don't like music and pretty flowers.. I do. I have a banjo that I pull out from time to time. But generally my modus operandi seems to be to spew cum.

Hmm... I am pretty slutty..... Is that what I want from my SL experience? Seems I have to do some figuring out of stuff 'n' stuff.