Stuff is stuff.

Whoops, missed last week, and not much of a blog for today. Just goes to show that I can't be habitual about this kind of stuff.

A friend of mine whom I haven't seen in a great many years has moved from his home to a new one in a new community and it's a whole new life for him. I'm hearing about this on facebook, as he posts his adventures. He is someone who has not moved for almost 20 years, and this move for him is a great challenge. As I read his updates I think about my own experiences in the past couple of years with all the moving and upheavals in my life and it's curious.

Moving can change you very much. It's a great ordeal to reassess one's baggage, both material and emotional. One realizes that they can do without much of one's possessions when moving day comes and there's no more room in the truck. This can be given away, that can be tossed. This can be replaced, that cannot. It's a good cleansing of sorts of the junk that we acquire yet never use.

I don't think anyone doesn't collect junk. Stuff that doesn't get used but once every few years. takes up space, needs to be dusted. After you've read a book, do you keep it? Do you give it away to a friend or the library? How many shoelaces are in your junk drawer? Are you ever going to use that exercise equipment?

What is it that we really need? When asking that question, it's easy to get ethereal and say: We need food, shelter, clothing, respect, love, air, water... you know the stuff we NEED in order to survive. Anything else is unessential. Right? Then why do we hang onto Grandma's china? Why is this T-shirt still in my dresser drawer when I haven't worn it in nine years?

I don't really have an answer to this. It's just what I'm thinking about. My friend from facebook hasn't had to strip away his life very much and re-prioritize things much, and he is doing so now, and he's being quite a crab about it. I may have done too much of it, and re-prioritized until I come to the conclusion that none of the stuff I own has much sentimental value, (I knew before already that not much of it had monetary value, ha ha). If my house were to catch fire and all my belongings to be destroyed, I think I would fare better than most in dealing with it. Though I am not trying to tempt fate!

People who have survived fires or storms or other catastrophes all say the same thing. "at least we are alive." And really, that is something to think about on days when trivial things receive too much importance. We are alive, and today we face a new challenge.

Picture from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/worldnews/7924963/Pictures-show-the-extent-of-the-floods-in-Pakistan.html?image=8 Image of a man saving his belongs after the pakistani flood.

Back to SL!

So, another Tuesday morning post. If this is my rhythm, I can dig that. I tried writing a post at another time in the week, but haven't posted it. It's all about my adventures in facebookland. It got kinda wordy.

The last several posts I've put up have been dealing with me, in my real life. About my struggling and dealing with my new life, which isn't that new any more. I don't talk too much about my goings on in Second Life, and I felt maybe it's high time I do.

My real life dictates when I log on to SL, as it does for many people. I dont go online when I need to take care of the kids. It had been my schedule to wait until they were in bed. I don't really want to deal with the interruptions, and when they're up, there are constant interruptions. Such is a parent's life. Not complaining at all. I love my kids, They need whatever attention they can get from me. I also do not log on when my wife is at home. Once upon a time it upset her greatly, then it became an annoyance to her. Nowadays, I don't think she cares, but I still don't play when she's at home, whether it's for respect for her wishes, or the easy road for me to avoid confrontation. So I usually played late at night, after 10 pm, and stayed up til pretty late. When I was unemployed, I made my own schedule, and soon 2 am became 3 am, and often became 4 am. I didn't have any reason to get up early, so why not? I'd log on just about every night, 7 days a week, and I've had many great adventures on SL.
Now I've got a job, and guess what? I'm on overnight shift, Meaning I go to work at 6:30 pm and come home at 5:30 in the morning. I'm there to send the kids off to school, and then I go to bed. I wake up around 2 or 3 in the afternoon, in time for the kids to come home from school. It works out pretty slick, for the most part. Theresa works from 7 am to 7 pm, so she is unable to see the kids off or come home. It works for us. I work 4 days a week, Monday through Thurday (meaning Friday morning) and I have 3 days off. On those days off, I keep to the same schedule, staying awake all night. It's easier that way, doesn't throw me out of whack. And so it's perfect opportunity to play my SL.

Ok, I digressed into my Real Life again, when I was going to talk about my Second Life. Back to it...

I live in Chiaroscuro, in a windmill. I also ave a 512 parcel, because I've got a premium membership. but I can't figure out what I'm doing with that little parcel. I live next door to a good friend there, her name is Tiffy. I met her when she was a satyr and we were in the same group, Fauns and Satyrs. I used t be a satyr, you see. She came to a mini bacchanal, and we hit it off right then. Since then she has developed her own line of jewelry, which is quite exquisite, and because of this she doesn't have too much time to play, but we still chat, and share fun LMs and so forth.
So I don't know what I'm doing with my parcel. First I had a little tipi thing going on, and then later I put in a mountain shack. Both of these were not built by me, tI had either paid for them or won them in a treasure hunt, and they were fine for a while, but I wanted it to be mine, made by me, not by someone else. For a while, I had an idea of doing an enormous peach, like in the Roald Dahl book, and you enter it through a teleportation device to the interior pit, which would actually be high in the sky. but I was having troubles figuring out the tp device. I still kinda like the idea, and I might go back to it sometime. Right now, I'm building this structure, which I don't know what it is. it's an open room, almost a dais, but I haven't figured out why I'm doing it. That's the problem, I don't know why I'm doing it, so it's formless. See previous post about lack of creativity. But I keep chiseling away at it. maybe it'll come to me. I't's almost an exhibit hall. but what's it exhibiting?

So what have I been doing on Sl lately? well, I've got two main passions. One is treasure hunts. Treasure hunts are fun, but you wind up with all this stuff, and that means inventory clean up. I'm like mental stimulation, and treasure hunts are good for that.. look around the shop for a t-shirt, or a magnifying glass, or whatever the hunt is about. I actually don't mind doing inventory. i kinda like putting things away where they belong, but omg, it does get to be a big job. Going through all that stuff, though, you do get some nice finds, and I'll have to say my avatar has evolved quite gracefully.

The other passion I have is archery. And here's this about that. I have pretty much two avatars in SL, I have my centaur, and I have my human-ish avie. I use the human one when I'm out and about, either on the treasure hunts or the rare times I go to clubs. I feel more comfortable around other people when I'm human. When I'm at home or at a few select RP sims that I go as centaur. And usually when I'm practicing archery, I'm in centaur form. I've found some good archery ranges, and I have quite a few targets in my inventory. the latest one I really really love. It's called Vulo Hunt. What it is is a small nest that you place on the ground and when you click on it a flock of doves goes flying around, and you have to try to hit them. If you do, it explodes into a poof of feathers. It's pretty hard, actually. I was doing well with stationary targets, and having moving targets is a challenge. I absolutely love it.

Lately, my avatar has been sort of an equine neko, and on the last few treasure hunts, that's how I went. I feel comfortable in that. I've also been hanging out more often in the Primal Nature sim called Maledivs. I am not certain what I'm looking for, but I think that's a stone in the path. It's been kinda lonely last weekend, many of my friends have not been on at the same time I am, so I do my inventory, (currently going through old landmarks, so I'm travelling some) , and I practice my archery, and if someone's online I'll send them a shout out, usually.
I'm not good about starting conversations, I always feel like I'm interrupting whatever important thing they're doing, even though most of the time they aren't doing anything important, and actually welcome a chat. But still I feel like I'm imposing on their lifestyle. Some people I'm very comfortable starting up a chat with, but others I imagine are thinking "who is this guy who is chatting me up, and why won't he leave me alone?" So to avoid that I just don't start conversations. That's stupid, I know, but that's my comfort zone.


So, I'm going to log in and take some pics of my avatars, I'll take one of me as a centaur, and then one of me as a human-ish) Most of the pics I post are stuff I've found on the internet, sometimes related to what I'm saying, sometime not. These pics will actually have something to do with me, this time. And I hope you all have a good week.

Christmas Cartons

Hmm, another Tuesday morning, and I'm wanting to write. Wonder if this will turn into a trend? Maybe it's just a coincidence, but hey this would be TWO entries in September, a record!

So last week, I mentioned that I was feeling dried up. This hasn't changed much in the past week, but considering last week's entry was right after a 10 hour shift at work, as is this one, I suppose it shows my mind frame after coming off of work.

I'm very grateful to have a job. I will never say that I am taking it for granted. I will say, though, I do feel that the job IS beneath me. Here is a description of what I do: I take cartons off a truck and put them on a conveyor belt. For 10 hours, four days a week. Sometimes the cartons are heavy, sometimes they are light. Another guy stands at the other end of the conveyor belt and puts UPC stickers on each carton so they go to the correct truck. Sometimes I put the stickers on, but I'd rather load the cartons on the conveyor belt.

I'm a designer. I'm a builder. I'm a dream-maker.

At least, I was. And I am discouraged now that I am not. I don't do it in my professional life, I don't do it in my personal life. Somehow, someway, I lost my ability to dream. And I can't seem to jump start it back to where it once was. What changed? Why do I allow myself to drudge forward in a dull, grey world?

It is Septmeber. The cartons I load on the conveyor belts are filled with Christmas decorations for stores to sell. Every carton is cardboard- brown, and inside each of them are the deep evergreens, rich maroons and glittery gold of Christmas. But I see brown. And honestly, I don't care to see the rich majesty within the cartons. What is important to me is that these items get to the right store, and my job is to get the ball rolling on getting them there. The stores will have wonderful magical polyurethane snow-blankets and tall plastic trees, hundreds of thousands of twinkling happy icicle lights and inflatable reindeer soon, and I don't care if I see it at all.

This is my quest: to find out where my desire for living life to the fullest went to. And why I don't care.

Is it important to know why I don't care? or is it more important just to know that I don't care, reasons be damned? I'm not sure. I think I should know this, because if the why isn't important, than I should spend my energy elsewhere than to figure out why, and concentrate more on the situation.. rather than what lead up to the situation.

More later as the quest unfolds.

Bring a box-knife.

Dry period. (Boring title)

It's early Tuesday morning, and I think this'll be a short blog. Just putting something up so there's a little activity here.

I'm in a pretty numb state lately. My passions have all pretty much dried up. I'm doing what I need to do, and not exploring much, not trying out new things. Not experimenting with life. But I don't say this in a bad way. I think I'm just needing to be this way for a little while.

When I was a kid, I saw this nature documentary. This is way back when all nature documentaries were hosted by Sebastian Cabot and no one drank their own urine to survive. I think it took place in Africa. It was the dry period. The watering hole had dried up, and no life was to be seen. But afterwards came the rainy period, and not so much miraculously, but systematically, Life reappeared. Little fishes populated the once dry bed. Where did these little fishes come from? Well, as a survival mechanism, the fishes had evolved a sort of hibernation. The sealed themselves up under the mud as the dry period was coming in a waterproof mucus envelope, and their body metabolism slows to showing almost no sign of life. When the rains came, they sprang back to life, and began spawning. Dry periods came, wet periods came. It is natural what these fishes do.

Am I in this dry period? I hope so. A time of self-directed healing, rationing my energies and devotions to the most meager necessities until better times and better fortunes. I would hate to think that I had been at the bus depot when my ship came in. My ship is coming in, isn't it?

What the hell, I'm mixing my metaphors again.

No matter. I'm not doing much right now, and I don't think I can as of yet. I had a pretty tumultuous year and a lot of stuff happened. My apple cart upturned, and once that happens, one must pick up the apples. Which is what I'm doing right now. Yes. I know, another metaphor for the mix. Don't keep track, please, just roll with it. Once I'm re-situated, I think I can move on again. Time, though. It takes time.

I think one thing I have to do in this time of regrouping is re-examine what it is that I feel I have lost. Because I do feel that I've lost some things. My curiosity, for one, and my drive to move forward. I worry that those are things that people just normally lose as they get older, but then I also know that's not true. But i can't seem to find my drive.
I should also pay attention to what I've gained, to be fair and balanced. I mean after all, I went through these experiences that were unique and unexpected, There should be a veritable treasure chest of resources to dig into.

September is a good grounding time. Autumn is coming, school has started, and with that regular scheduling. I've got a job, now, one that pays. And we are on the verge of buying this house. So, this upcoming month should be one of regularity, which is something I need. I can put my desires and dreams on hold for some good old fashioned fertilizing.

Marcus and the Big Gay Gorilla in the Room

I found this story on Raw Report:

Bachmann tries to explain comments about being ‘submissive’

in which, as the headline points out, Bachmann explained a comment she made in when running for congress in 2006, that she was submissive to her husband. She explained the wording of it, and whether you accept her answer or not is beside the point of this blog entry.

Bachmann is a favorite target for her opponents, no doubt about that. She is viewed as a very "traditional values" type of woman who has a limited horizon on how people should live their lives. Cultural Conservative is the term. She is also pretty well known to have said some pretty downright goofy things in public. She has a pretty strong support base as well, with other "traditional values" folk, mostly Christian Conservatives and Tea Partiers. Whenever she says something that is oddly phrased, or just plain ding-batty, there is no end of articles and blogs and biased news sources that take her to task for the remark.

And that's the life of someone in the public eye. Every politician faces it, no matter what his or her platform is, left, right, or centrist. It's the nature of the beast. If you go on the campaign trail, someone's not going to like it, and they will jump on every opportunity to tear you down. If you don't know this and aren't willing to face it, you'll have a very short political career. Bachmann knows this, and she's willing to face the opponents. For this, and perhaps this alone, I respect her.

I do not support her as a candidate. I will make no bones about my belief that if you are a public servant, you serve all the people equally. You don't serve just your supporters. She has made some dangerous comments about being gay, especially in light of the recent states which have allowed gay marriages.

On another news clip from Raw Report, Tim Pawlenty was pressed if he considered gay people to be second class citizen at the Iowa State Fair. Pawlenty's stance is that the country has a strong foundation in traditional marriage, and that allowing gay marriage will rock the foundation of our nation. I can go in different directions with this statement in which I find faulty logic, but that will derail what I'm trying to get at with this entry. What I am saying here is that it is truly a fact that there are many Americans who believe this idea that allowing gay marriage would lead the nation to a veritable Sodom and Gemorrah, and eventually the only recourse is to have deus ex machina swoop in and save the righteous by burning the sinners. What I believe will happen if gay marriage is fully legal and supported is that there will be more a productive citizenry, because those who want to wed will be happy and will no longer have to spend their energy and efforts trying to establish that right, and thus frees up more intellectual and emotional resources to tackle tangible problems like the the failing economy and foreign tensions.

Bachmann holds similar values to Pawlenty and others regarding traditional versus gay marriage. A few months ago, it was a late night show joke about her husband Marcus Bachmann having a counseling clinic to reverse the gay tendencies in youth who were troubled by using such tactics as suppression and prayer, known in the business as conversion therapy. If I am to understand the American Psychological Association's stance on this method, I think the word "Bunk" shows up a lot, usually premised with "A load of". Check it here.

The Joke is, lookit him! he's queer as a three dollar bill. Check out his dance moves!.If he ain't gay, neither is John Waters. Etc, etc, etc. That's the joke.

As I mentioned before, if you're gonna go in the limelight, every weakness is exposed and exaggerated. Whether Marcus Bachhmann is a suppressed gay man or not is not the issue. The perception that he is has been the issue, and now it has become a part of his legacy.
On the Bachmann article in Raw Reports, I gleaned the comment section. You can gather a lot of information if you listen to the peanut gallery. Many of the comments were reserved for the actual issue that the clip was getting at, that is that bringing an Evangelical Christian moral value needs some clarification in its wordage. But there were, of course, many comments about her (to use an archaic expression) "wearing the pants in the family" and questioning the manliness of Marcus.

There have been many instances in the past decade or so of a man in the public eye (usually it is a man) who have been caught with their gay pants down. News articles upon news articles can be cited to show how "Anti-gay congressman caught with boy-toy" (or what have you) is rife with the sweet, sweet irony of someone whose actions do not follow his nature. And the public eats it up like candy and says "Now THAT didn't surprise me!"

These types of comments in the Bachmann article, and those similar bother me on a number of levels. First off, I do not know if Marcus is a closeted gay man. To conclude he is gay because of his mannerisms reinforces many stereotypes that need to be weeded in order for the equality that gay activists are trying to achieve and secure. Not all gay men are swishers, that's pretty well-known, I think. By modal logic, not all swishers are gay. He may be straight as an arrow, as he claims. Alternatively, he may be gay and feel guilty about it, and feel that conversion therapy worked for him, it should work for you too.

If he is gay, can you imagine what an emotional and logistical torment he is going through? I understand what it's like to feel that one's sexuality is socially or spiritually the wrong "type." And he's in a political pickle as well if this is the case. If he opens up with a public announcement stating "yes, I am gay", well that pretty much does it in for Michelle having a chance at the presidency. Michelle explained the word "submissive" equaling "supportive" or "respectful" in the news clip, and that being submissive was retrocessive between the spouses. Her house of cards would collapse, because it is basically based on suppressing the rights of gays, and she would be shown as a hypocrite, if those tenets did not also apply to her husband.

So it's strange that those who support NOH8 and wish to provide comfort to those struggling with closet issues would want to abase, humiliate and make a laughing-stock of such a man like Marcus. In fact, that to me seems a bit Pharisaical itself. The "it gets better" campaign ought to apply to him as well as anyone else. The cruelty of those anonymous comments reflects the mindset of the people who are vocal anti-teabaggers. And that to me is a little disturbing, because aren't the using the exact same tactics as those the are against.

Note that I said disturbing, not surprising. Politics is a nasty mud-slinging game, and it brings out the lowest common denominator of people, whichever side they are on. It's a long drawn out "yo mamma" ballet, in which the best zinger-flinger winds up on top in the end, except that there is no end.

If the man is in fact straight, well, I cannot condone his tactics as a counselor. Conversion Therapy does as much to help a struggling gay man or woman as a paper bag over the head covers ugly. It just adds another layer of guilt and self-hatred that needs to be addressed later down the line. And to think that someone who believes such a thing being an effective tool would be in proxy to public policy doesn't sit too well with me. Additionally, if he is straight, these are the slings and arrows that he must bear to be in the public eye, I suppose.