Thursday, August 19, 2010

Living On The Other Side Of My Life

I was going to log on tonight, but SL was taking forever to load, and in the meantime I do what I normally do, stream Pandora and cruise the net. (was Scissor Sisters Hair Baby, now Tool's Rosetta Stone, I'll update it throughout this blog as I write, maybe.)

Upchurning of events in my RL. For those who knew, my RL job was that I worked as a carpenter in a zoo. Yes, yes, very interesting. News is though that as of August 3 I no longer am employed there. I decided to quit to work on the house so we can sell it and finally move on with life. so for the past couple weeks, I've been covered in paint, silicone, chlorine bleach, spackle and all sorts of cleaning and fixing-up concoctions to completely overturn this house to something of some value. It's coming along, and with any luck, we'll be able to put it on the market by next week. Once it's on the market, I will move ahead and my wife and the kids will stay behind until it sells. Hopefully it won't be long.

Believe by The Bravery

I really shouldn't be logging into SL and I shouldn't be playing around on facebook and Treasure Madness and other games. I shouldn't be following the debate of the Ground Zero mosque and the Defeat of Proposition 8 in California. I should be taping out the wall in the front room so I can paint the trim. I should be packing up all the doodads on the bookshelves and mantlepiece. I should do an extra load of laundry, I should be working. But I'm not. I'm fucking around on the internet.

Me, I'm Not by Nine Inch Nails.

I should be looking for a job when I move to St.Paul. I don't have one right now. In fact, me quitting work will be cutting our income in half. we have a little in savings, I'll be getting my vacation time comp check soon, and I'm cashing out my retirement for this move. We've decided that this woud be the course of action way long time ago. I'm scared shitless. In fact I haven't had a decentt BM for three days. (no, I'm kidding. My colon is fine really, thanks for the interest) I am nervous though. Change is always stressful and this is a big one. Life is coming at me full speed nowadays, and I hide from it with the internet.

Rise by Flobots

I've been looking forward to come on to SL lately, but I seem to be disappointed each night. I am unfocused and I ususally sit at my home skybox for a good long time, trying to figure out what to do. For most of the summer, Opacus has been offline, as he had gotten a very good opportunity in RL over the summer. He returned a couple weeks ago, but I mostly seem to be passing him on the log ins. I'm worried about us. I think I've drifted. I've gotten to know some other friends, and sometimes intimately, but I had always been faithful to Opacus. and now I'm uncertain. I do hope he doesn't stumble across this, but in a way I will accept the consequences if he does see this.

Wolf Drawn by Emancipator

I also haven't seen Rusty/Morty much these last few months. I became friends wit him in RL as well, and we know each other and contact via facebook. but he seems to have fallen off the grid. I miss him. He was sometimes invective, often stubborn and a little frustrating, but he's a good person and an honest one. Everyone has faults, but he rises above his faults, accepts that he is imperfect and strives to be a better person always. He has ruffled feathers before, and for someone who can't stand their feathers ruffled, he will hit on a tender spot, and sometimes cause undue relations with the unspecified sensativo.

God Put a Rainbow in the Clouds by Ralph Stanley and the Clinch Mountain Boys.

Dang that was a long one to write and the song was kinda short, so....

How To Handle Grownups by Ruckus Roboticus

Here I sit. It's after midnight, and I don't think I've come to any conclusions with this blog entry. I should find some sort of picture to add to this blog, to "spice it up" cause as everyone knows, style accessorizes substance. At least it should, I think. It shouldn't be more important that substance, but it make the substance palatable. Food is nourishing, but without spice, food isn't life. I should know. I grew up on Norwegian food, in which black pepper was the spiciest thing that one would add to anything.

What If We Give It Away? by REM

I don't feel very fulfilled with this posting, just like I don't feel very fulfilled with SL lately. Even facebook has lost some of it's charm. (please keep caustic statements at bay. I'm well aware of the sardon.) I suppose one can't expect to be fulfilled by every nuanced thing they do. Of course not. Life is drudgery, life is factory work. But it doesn't have to be, does it? Life can be fun and exciting, can't it? Ok now I'm verving between blind optimism and knee-jerk pessimism. Life is life and that what it is. It's not a box of chocolates. This paragraph is going in way too many directions.

Ramona by The Ramones

I love my wife, but we are going to separate, and divorce. Those who follow my ramblings closely know that I came out of the closet after being married to her for nine years. Went through the ringer with that one. all sorts of emotions and subconcious demons came bubbling to the surface. Last night a few more popped up. We had gotten into a fight. without getting into details. what came out of it was I realized I had been dishonest before and had strived to be honest since, but in that I had neglected being responsible. She discovered that she had some deep-seated trust issues that were very tender. By the end of the night we were not fighting. And really, that's all I care to reveal about that right now.

Live Before You Die by Social Disorder.

I think this is the last paragraph. and it's interesting that Pandora picked this song, since I had kinda touched on that topic earlier. I have always felt that this was a good message. I was alway a true believer that we are each given one life (that we know of) and that we are to make of it what we wish. That's why I quit the zoo, that's why I came clean with my wife, that's why I make some of the desicions that I make. Perhaps I have been unstimulated by internet stuff lately because I have relied on them too much to be a surrogate life. Honestly, the town I live in po-dunk. It's boring as hell, and it's the boring hell, not the interesting fire and brimstone one. We try to make the best of it we can , to have fun and live here, but, damn it's dull. That's the main reason I think I've relied on the internet. It's a little more cosmopolitan than Armpit, Oklahoma. But then again, so was the soup I had for dinner. I might be coming on SL much less often in the near future. I have a lot to do, and I'll be living on the other side of my life then, and it might actually be more interesting than the internet.

Oh crap, I gotta stop. A-ha's Take On Me just popped up. That's my cue.

Till the next time, Blog Heroes, keep being real, whatever that means.


Rammy said...

My theory is that it is a whole lot more fun to live an interesting life where one ends up in shear terror every now and then, then to just march in order with the world marching squad. I remember times where I thought "what am I doing?" and ALWAYS as if by magic things work out. I guess it may not always happen, but I'll bet it does for you. You just wait and see.

Well I read this and said to myself "I need to write" but I didn't have any super great thoughts or anything. But I am sending out good cosmo waves of good energy. So just remember when you are working hard on your house, or something else, there are other human beings somewhere in the universe sending good cosmo waves from their little brains. Please accept my good wishes. - Rammy

Leigh Eel said...

Thank you Rammy! I accept any and all good wishes. and pay back with interest (both kinds) I'm looking forward to things working out.