Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Love and Marriage

I have two things I want to blog about, and I wasn't sure if I should make them into two different entries or mash them into one. They aren't related at all, one is about SL goings-on and the other is about RL goings-on. Both are time sensitive, but I think my RL experience is more time sensitive, as it is about yesterday, May 3. The SL experience is more about what I'm going through lately in SL. I'll start on the RL one, I guess, since I set it up that way that I just did, and obviously, one absolutely cannot turn back and edit when one is in a stream of conscious-frame of writing.


May 3.

What happened on May 3rd?



It's a pretty significant date for me.

And for my wife.

At least it was.

On Sunday. we made a little campfire in the backyard, and had a talk. It has been a little over two years since I came out of the closet to her, and it has been a strange, bumpy, uncomfortable and painful rollercoaster ride. And now it seems the ride is coming to its rampdown. We agreed that we should consider ourseves as single people. We will get the papers filed and all the legal stuff done at some point, but as for our hearts, we are not married. That's kinda the way we started out the marriage too. We considered ourselves married and in our hearts we were. We had a child and later we decided that we would make it legal.

These past couple of years especially, nationwide, it has been a hot topic about gays getting married politically. This topic has affected many friends of mine in several ways. It really has made me think about the institution of marriage, and really what it means to be married. i feel that if a couple, gay or straight, feel it within themselves and with their own God in whatever form, that the marriage as a legal construct is mostly a political one. Who is permitted visitation and who is covered by health insurance, who has a right to the assets to a deceased partner's belongings and granting final wishes... these are in essence, legal and political matters and are not sacred by my definition. Marriage, as a holy union is something within the hearts of the couple involved. Everything else is ceremony and dogma.

The same holds true for divorce. At least I believe it should. A spiritual divorce is a releasing of that sacred bond, and in our case the we have come to that point. We have agreed upon it, a thus it is so. There are too many couples that are stuck in unhappy or worse, dangerous lives because they do not feel the sacred bonds that they are legally obligated to uphold.

I could go on and on about my opinion of marriage and the nuances of it socially and legally, but I do not feel I have the time right now at this sitting.

I made my little statement, and that was my only intent of this blog.
I love Theresa deeply. I care for her best interest and her well being. I treasure my time with her and I feel the respect from her for me. These are the goals of marriage, and we have attained that. With two happy, healthy children as a bonus.

And I release her.


Rammy said...

well this is goofy - so please forgive me. I read this and thought that I am speechless - but if you are speechless then you shouldn't want to post a comment. But I do. Life is very complicated and the way we relate to other human beings is too. Other people have been in very similar places to you Leigh but the bottom line is that you are the one who decides the course your ship is sailing towards. I must be hard to be a sailor in the ocean of "whatever the ocean is" but I am sure you will have a good journey since you have thought so much about your direction. Well so much for my rambling. Take care and see you soon.

Jordyn Carnell said...

Interesting what Rammy said.. I've read this post two or three times and been re-marking this post as "unread" every time because I wanted to write something but couldn't think of what to type..

My heart goes out to you and Theresa..

Who we love, when we love, how we love, where we love.. all of that we can't control.. it's just who we are..

And of course things change..

The measure of our wisdom and character is what we do.. (and of course part of that is our ability to deal with the larger culture we live in)

Everything I've read in your blog tells me you are a man filled with love, character, and not a little wisdom.. We're fortunate to know you